Last night, for the first time in months, the words of scripture jumped off of the page and penetrated my heart. I have spent almost six months begging God for a hunger for His word. I have been feeling so spiritually 'blah' and reading the Bible has felt more like a chore than a privilege. Last night I ended my devotional time with lots of praise for the answer to my many prayers. I hope that serves as a little encouragement to you to persist in your prayers - He IS listening, and He WILL answer, though He may require your patience in the meantime. I love the way the Contemporary English Version translates Romans 12:12 "Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying." Now, I know I'm still in the valley, but periodically the light breaks through the clouds and that's enough to sustain me until the light breaks through again. As I said in yesterday's post, my faith is truly a gift from Christ himself. He alone sustains me. There is also a promise for those who do pray in 1 Peter 3:12, "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer..."
Now, on to what the Lord has been teaching me personally. I took a little break from my normal daily Bible reading plan (I am using the OWN it 365 plan this year - but I started in October) in order to read Ecclesiastes. I know the book tends to revolve around the idea that there is a season for everything (Ecc. 3:1), and I know the Lord wants me to release our time overseas as a 'season' rather than continuing to view it as a life. So I felt that this book in particular may speak to my current situation and my feelings about that situation.
As I read through the first half of Ecclesiastes, it was a bit depressing. It certainly isn't a book that makes you jump up and down in excitement, lol. That being said, it was exactly how I have felt for the last six months. As I sat my Bible down that first night, I spoke with God. I told Him that the book, so far, only confirmed my feelings...but I didn't care about having my feelings confirmed, I wanted them changed! I didn't want to continue to feel so ho-hum about my walk with Him or about ministry in the States.
In the hope of Solomon coming to a point of resolve, I pressed on and read the second half of Ecclesiastes last night. Ecc. 7:8 "The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." So there I was, struck down in my pride. How often to we think that our ways are better than His? I have certainly been thinking that my plan to be a lifelong missionary was better than His plan to bring us home. I am ashamed of myself, for although my feet have walked in obedience by returning to America, my heart has been far from obedient. Now I am learning to trust that the end of our time in Southeast Asia is, truly, better than its beginning.
Ecclesiastes 7:10 continues, "Do not say, 'Why were the old days better than these?' For it is not wise to ask such questions". How often do we all fall into this trap? It is so easy for us to romanticize the past, even our own past. I have found myself asking that very question innumerable times throughout my life. Don't we all consider how easy life was back when we had no bills to pay and our only worry was a math test at the end of the week? Or maybe we think about how very close we were to God before we had dirty diapers to change, sibling rivalries to referee, and a minivan that serves as a constant chauffeur service...I know I have! But we are simply deceiving ourselves into a lowly view of our current self and circumstances. This does not please our Lord, who freed us from all of this. We often hear about how we should not compare ourselves to others, and yes, it is true. But do we ever hear that we need to stop comparing ourselves to...ourselves? This also is true. The only one we should compare ourselves to is Christ, and well, we ALL fall short (Romans 3:23) - our former selves fall short and our current selves fall short - so we must stop comparing one to the other. We must realize that the Lord is using our current circumstances to continue to shape our current selves into a 'holy priesthood' (1 Peter 2:4-5). We must also realize that our past circumstances would not allow for the same shaping that is currently happening. Remember the one who is in control, He can use ALL things for good. Ecclesiastes 7:14 "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other." & Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Dear friends, take heart when walking through the valleys - GOOD IS COMING!
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