Having Faith in the Dark

     I want to spend a little time opening up my world to you, my readers. My 'about me' page does little to inform you of who I really am, and to be perfectly honest, this may be the first time in my adult life that I haven't allowed my life to be an open book to all those willing to glance at the pages. You see, I'm in a bit of a hypothetical valley at the moment.
     I'm married to a youth pastor, which limits how honest I can be about the church and ministry. My family has moved in with my grandfather-in-law because my husband is only employed part-time at the moment, which limits how honest I can be about our home life and family. Also, my grandfather-in-law attends the same church that my husband works at, which again perpetuates the sense that I must remain a guarded person.
     My husband and I spent two years in Southeast Asia. He taught Bible and Theology classes and I taught English part-time. I have believed, since the time I was 14, that the Lord was calling me to be a missionary, to live and raise a family overseas. After we completed our two year contract at a school overseas, we returned home to Ohio. It was very hard for me to leave, but I knew, without any doubt, that it was what the Lord wanted. So, I obeyed, we obeyed. It was much easier for my husband to return to the States, I'm not sure he really ever felt 'at home' overseas. Now, my husband has his dream job...he is working in the church where he grew up. It has been such a blessing in so many ways! I can see my husband working hard, growing the youth group, getting excited and re-energized in ways I haven't seen before.
     While I am so pleased to see my husband flourishing, I'm having a hard time trying to figure out where I fit. I saw this on facebook today and it seems to fit so perfectly with where I am at presently.

Photo Credit

      I am currently unsure of what God wants me to do. I am uncertain of what steps are next for me. For the last 14 or so years, I had been working toward getting overseas; Now I realize that 'overseas' may have only been for a season. Did God call me overseas? YES...but is He calling me overseas now? No. So here I am, presently in the dark, out of the loop, and unsure of what the next goal should be. I want it to be 100% God's plan. I have faith, faith given to me by Christ (Ephesians 2:8), and that faith will get me to the other side of this valley - back to the mountain top, where I can look out over all the valleys I've crossed and I will be able to see the answers to all my 'Why, God?' questions. To the peaks that will reveal what God's plan was and is. To the place where I can look towards Heaven, and with a smile, say 'Thanks for those dark days, now I see what you were doing'. It is in the dark that we must choose to walk by faith and not sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). What darkness are you walking through today? How can I pray for you and lift you all up the way I hope you will for me?